Recently, I received some advice to the effect of "Just dive in and go for it." Now, I'm of the opinion that this only works when faced with a leap from an airplane at 30,000 feet or in choking down medicine. Oddly, this advice was issued with this caveat: "But, you see where it got me . . . ."
It is one thing to dive in for that good night kiss when you're pretty sure the other person is just waiting for you to make the first move. It's another to push a relationship to a new level when you're not sure where it's supposed to go.
Besides that, why should I take advice that has clearly not played out well for the person issuing it? I agree that relationships can be over "thunk" and we can analyze every little look, grunt, and omission to the Nth degree until we are more confused than when we started. I think it is important to go with what feels right. But, that brings me to the point of this blog, which is that we are so out of practice that trusting our gut is a scary, and often poor, prospect.
Is it really a smart move to "dive in and go for it," or should we be more measured in our approach to human relations? Is reckless abandon the way to conquer that ever elusive love? Or, does that bring doom and destruction to a burgeoning romance and quash it before it has a chance to flourish? Can we really adopt the it's better to apologize than ask permission mantra in matters of the heart?
I honestly don't have the answer to that. I've tiptoed through the field of landmines. I've been like a bull in a china shop. I can't say one approach has worked better than another. Perhaps each situation calls for a unique approach and the only way to know is trial and error; although, it would be nice not to have to screw up a potentially good thing just to find out if you're handling it the right way.
What are your thoughts? Diver down? Tread water? Sink or swim? I'm running out of nautical metaphors, so let's have your contribution.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Here We Go!
Considering the fact that they made a movie and sales have been through the roof for a long time, books like "He's Just Not That Into You" and "The Rules" are sure to be among that which some of you have consulted at one time or another. Don't be embarrassed. You are not alone.
We all have trouble navigating the murky waters of romantic relationships. We all think we are succeeding only to find we have failed miserably. Sometimes we wake up soon enough to repair the damage and salvage that which we love. (A Freudian slip? No, I think we often love the relationship, or the idea of it, more than the person with whom we are having it.) Other times, we trample it to a bloody, messy pulp before we have the first clue it's in jeopardy.
We spend millions on couples and individual counseling to figure out why we are still so lonely. We pour booze down our throats in hopes of soothing the raging heartache that follows a break-up, or even just a fight. Bartenders around the world hear all the things about your life they never wanted to know without the compensation you give your therapist.
My point? We are constantly seeking advice or someone to listen to our woes and give us some sort of consoling words of wisdom. I'm not sure, after centuries of this practice, that it's gotten us anywhere useful. I believe we have become so accustomed to talking about our relationships that we aren't actually doing anything productive in them.
I want to hear from you all. Give me the best, worst, and most absurdly hilarious relationship advice you've received. It can be professional advice you followed that turned out to be bad, or that you happily chose to ignore. It can be the stuff handed down from grandparents, neighbors, or church members. It can be the blatherings of a well-meaning friend or co-worker. No need for attributions here, just the "words of wisdom" will be fine.
My hope is that somewhere in the muck and mire we might find something that really does work! So, fire away!
We all have trouble navigating the murky waters of romantic relationships. We all think we are succeeding only to find we have failed miserably. Sometimes we wake up soon enough to repair the damage and salvage that which we love. (A Freudian slip? No, I think we often love the relationship, or the idea of it, more than the person with whom we are having it.) Other times, we trample it to a bloody, messy pulp before we have the first clue it's in jeopardy.
We spend millions on couples and individual counseling to figure out why we are still so lonely. We pour booze down our throats in hopes of soothing the raging heartache that follows a break-up, or even just a fight. Bartenders around the world hear all the things about your life they never wanted to know without the compensation you give your therapist.
My point? We are constantly seeking advice or someone to listen to our woes and give us some sort of consoling words of wisdom. I'm not sure, after centuries of this practice, that it's gotten us anywhere useful. I believe we have become so accustomed to talking about our relationships that we aren't actually doing anything productive in them.
I want to hear from you all. Give me the best, worst, and most absurdly hilarious relationship advice you've received. It can be professional advice you followed that turned out to be bad, or that you happily chose to ignore. It can be the stuff handed down from grandparents, neighbors, or church members. It can be the blatherings of a well-meaning friend or co-worker. No need for attributions here, just the "words of wisdom" will be fine.
My hope is that somewhere in the muck and mire we might find something that really does work! So, fire away!
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