Are You The Odd Couple?

Compatibility. I've been thinking about that a lot lately as I've had a friend staying with me for a few months. Don't get me wrong. I'm not using this blog to passive-aggressively bitch about him. But, it has made me realize that compatibility of lifestyles is crucial to a healthy relationship.

Yes, it is important when you consider partnering with someone that you nail down the big stuff like how you feel about children, marriage, money, religion. But, it is equally important to figure out the nitty-gritty of living together that you can't determine from dinner conversation.

I'm talking about things like: Does he spend more time grooming himself in the bathroom than you do? Can you work with that? Do you have particulars about housecleaning that he can't honor? Are you willing to pick up his slack? Does she need more "face time" than you are willing to give? Where's the compromise? Does it bother you to have someone always probing your brain for your thoughts? How much are you willing to share?

My friend and temporary roommate has a lot of security hang-ups. I get that, and I totally understand why, as I know the source of them. However, it makes me crazy that he can't also understand that when the cats have broken the blinds trying to see out them, I have to keep them raised so I'm not replacing every set of blinds in the house each month. Most of the curtains close to provide privacy. It also bugs the snot out of me that he tries to close the one set of curtains that aren't designed to be closed. They're only window dressings. (YES, I am aware that men don't understand why you'd have something that wasn't functional. Give me a break, I found a fabric remnant I liked, and that was all I could do with it.) Besides, they aren't on a window that is a security risk anyway.

So, my point is, I know, in many circles, it is taboo to live together before you are married. I think they should reconsider that position, cause here's the thing . . . if the reason for this restriction is your fear of encouraging premarital sex, I'll let you in on a little secret: You don't have to co-habitate to find means and opportunity for that. More importantly, sharing your life and your space with someone is one of the biggest stressors on a relationship. If you don't have time to learn about how the other person functions in their personal space before you make a lifetime commitment, you could be stuck in something that will make you miserable til death do you part, if you make it that long.

Compatibility isn't just about common interests in music, art, books or about sharing life goals and ideals. It's about existing in the same space and enjoying that.

Oh, and for the record, my friend and I aren't compatible, but not just because he puts the dishes away in the wrong places. I'm not his "type."