This week my boss is in town and we are getting to actually meet for the first time. (Bizarre, I know!) I have found it so very fascinating to finally put a face on this voice I've communicated with multiple times a day for the last month. I am finding that, even with a photo to go on, she still isn't what I pictured. We have a tendency to develop mental images around the perceptions we have formulated based on limited information. Once we have those perceptions challenged, it takes time to readjust because everything you imagined has to be adapted.
This is not to say it's a bad thing. I am really glad to have this time with her because I have a much better understanding of how she operates and how we will function together. I now know how to better work with her to get the most out of what roles each of us play.
So, this is relevant to the blog in this way: I've found more and more people are turning to online dating in hopes of capturing that elusive romance. I know a number of people who swear by it. Here is why I will never resort to that method . . . it is hard enough to fully know someone when you can look them in the eye, how on earth do you expect to really get an understanding of who they are by way of a computer chat?
Please understand, I really do subscribe to the "To Each His Own" motto, and if it's working for you, go right ahead. I'm simply saying, for someone like me who has a very vivid imagination, leaving everything to the imagination has its pitfalls. I know some might say it is easier to be yourself when you aren't "in person" dating because you are less self-conscious. I would argue that for the person who is savvy enough to read people (and you don't get that way by not interacting with them personally), you can know a lot even if they don't think they are sharing anything.
It is okay to meet someone online; but, in my not so humble opinion, it is important to meet in person before too much time passes. The impressions you form through this limited form of communication can be difficult to overcome. Even something as simple as picturing where they live, what chair they sit in to talk to you, how they dress can affect the way you interact with that person. Unpacking that already established perception can make future interaction difficult if you don't know how to reframe it. Suppose you fabricate the idea that someone is one way and they can't live up to the expectation. That can have a devastating effect on the future of your relationship. Conversely, if you don't expect much, you might not give them the chance to show you their full potential.
It isn't about appearance and learning that their avatar was photo-shopped beyond reason, or that they lied about their body specifications in their profile. It's about their body language and the vibe they emit and their comportment. Those are things that just aren't effectively transmitted electronically.
So, my point is, we already know that the written word isn't as effective as it used to be, and the nuances of emotion you can hear in vocal tone and modulation say so much more. So, the degree of understanding you get when you add that physical (yet intangible) energy to the mix is powerful.
What I now know, from having interacted with my boss in person, changes our relationship. We will have better communication. We have established more trust. We know what sarcasm or frustration or humor or epiphany looks like on the other now. It's about dimension and layers of understanding and it's what it means to be personally involved. That's not just good for romance. It's good for all sorts of relationships.
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