The Agony and the Ecstasy

Exquisite. This word has been stuck in my head all day. I don't know why. I don't recall reading it anywhere or hearing it on television. But there it is, echoing over and over as if it's on a loop. The funny thing about saying a word multiple times is that it usually starts sounding really bizarre, but this one still sounds, well . . . exquisite.

I looked it up. I know what it means, but I wanted to see if there were any archaic or obsolete meanings that might put a new spin on it and to see the etymology. No big surprises in the definition, except I forgot about the negative connotation in which it can be used. Normally we think: Oh, she has exquisite taste in jewelry. But, you can also say: He felt exquisite pain. (Or, left an Exquisite Corpse . . . a shout out to my Hedwig pals) -- meaning it was acute or intense. The etymology, however, was a little unexpected. It's origin is Latin and is the past participle of "to seek out." So, exquisite is something intrinsically sought after. Interesting. It makes sense, though. I think we are, obviously, drawn to intense beauty. But is that really the same thing for everyone?

There have been a few occasions recently where one of my dear friends has commented that we would never fight over a guy because our tastes are so very different. (Nevermind the fact that we wouldn't be competing for the same boys anyway since his would not be interested in me.) In every circumstance I recognized certain aspects of these men that were appealing, but not enough to make me swoon, certainly not enough to make me fight my friend for them. Then I had a conversation with my best (female) friend about this subject and I observed that we would fight over the same guys, then I realized it would only be the celebrity crushes. We don't like the same types of real guys.

So, what does that say? For one thing, I think it demonstrates my earlier point about being drawn to intense beauty. We can't help but be drawn in by those tv and movie stars who are exquisite creatures. We dream of being them and being with them. We spend insane amounts of money and suffer ungodly torture in the attempt to mold our bodies to resemble them. (Talk about exquisite pain!)

More importantly, I think it illustrates the adage that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. I think the reason for that is true beauty lies below superficial appearance and the beauty that really catches one's eye is discovered experientially. My friends and I have a lot in common. That's one of the reasons we are friends, so it would stand to reason we would be drawn to the same types of people, right? Well, that might be true for friendship. But, when it comes to matters of the heart, when we're talking about that "thing" that makes us move heaven and earth to be with someone, it rarely follows logic. I might be able to appreciate someone and acknowledge they are attractive, but that doesn't mean I am attracted to them.

I think it really comes down to my spin on another old saying: Love at first sight. I think I've mentioned this in a previous post, but I do believe in love at first sight, I just don't know that you really see someone the first time you lay eyes on them. I think there is this moment in your interaction with someone when you see into their soul and you either like what you see or you don't. You either get them or you don't. You either see their beauty or you don't. It's that simple.

So, maybe there's no big relationship "advice" in this one, maybe just more of an observation. Or, maybe the advice is just to go with it. Don't question why you love who you love. Don't question why someone else loves who they love. Just love, because loving deeply is an exquisite experience -- exquisitely glorious and exquisitely painful all at the same time. But, isn't that what it means to truly live?