This is not just the advice we got from Mr. Behrendt in his infamous book, it's what our mothers told us when we were young. I can't count the times my mom said I shouldn't call a boy because it makes you seem too loose. I must admit, it must be valid on some level as I have never really heeded that advice and am still single. HOWEVER, the problem with this notion as it is detailed in He's Just Not That Into You is in the Q & A where, over and over again, women submitted scenarios trying to understand why the guy wasn't calling or trying to find out if she should. The consistent answer is: If he's not calling he's not interested. Guys go after what they want and they don't let anything stand in their way.
Okay. I agree that it's pretty much a fundamental of human nature to overcome insurmountable odds to get that which you desire. But, this argument essentially disallows any possibility for insecurity in men and no room for life circumstances that prevent action. Am I really supposed to buy that ALL men are so confident and well-adjusted (or so cocky and blindly ignorant) that they always go for it? Puh-leeze! While I will grant you the average male is one or the other on most days, everyone has feelings of inferiority, periods of doubt, dips in self-esteem. I don't believe I am supposed to take every lack of response as a personal rejection. Sometimes he is intimidated. Sometimes he does get busy. Sometimes he isn't savvy enough to find you after losing your number. (Granted, you may not want those men calling you anyway, but that's for another blog.)
I struggled after recently reading the excerpt from this book. On one hand he was encouraging every woman to move on to the next guy because you are all too fabulous to waste time on a loser who isn't interested enough to put forth the effort. On the other, he was asking us to buy into the principle that 9.99 times out of 10 we haven't succeeded in capturing the interest of any of the men we encounter. Wow! I feel truly fabulous. How about you? Then I realized that even though men and women do operate from different places and don't think or process things the same way, we are all human. We all fear rejection. We all want to be desired. Men may want to have the power, but with that comes all the responsibility and the risk. Even when they are thinking with their little brains, the weight of that still has to give them pause.
So, what do we do? Defy the advice of our mothers and Greg? Do we go ahead and call? I believe each situation has unique circumstances that will dictate your response. Was this a first date? Are you in the same circle of friends? How did you come to have a date in the first place?
The truth is, it isn't as simple as "Me Tarzan, You Jane," though I kind of wish it could be. Life is complicated. Relationships are complicated. Simple human interaction gets complicated. Yet, such a simplistic view of things seems to actually complicate things further. Maybe it's a little uncomfortable and, yes, you have to be prepared to get the answer you don't want; but, how about being direct and just asking, "Are you in to me?"
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