Following, Friending, and Failing

As I look around me, I see more and more of my peers who are opting for either no relationship or temporary ones. Several of my friends have divorced and are happy not to go out looking for the next thing. Others just want to keep it casual, dating here and there --getting a little sumpin'-sumpin' on the side when the need arises. I wonder: Has the traditional relationship gone by the wayside? Are we opting for no attachments in this age when human interaction is taking a nose-dive across the board?

I used to preach to my friends that being a serial monogamist -- going from one relationship to the next with no transitional period -- is not healthy. It is important to give yourself time to process the loss, to figure out what you did right and what you did wrong, and to regroup. I still think that's important and a little advice a lot of people need to heed. But, I wonder if more and more people are taking it too much to heart and are withdrawing from the practice altogether.

It really has become all too convenient to negotiate our relationships via electronic means, and real human contact on a professional, social, familial, or romantic level has been reduced to Skyping, Facebooking, and texting. We live for the sound-byte from media and from Twitter. We don't want to know the intimate details of what is going on in anyone's world. It must be said in 100 characters or less. By the same token, we get WAY more information than we need because Facebook is so impersonal. We can over-share without real consequence. But, that's not real intimacy.

I think we are forgetting how to relate to one another face-to-face. I know that was what caused the failure of my friend's marriage. Only one person was doing the communicating for the couple. He actually said he figured he didn't have to work at it anymore, once they were married. Whether it's because we become too busy and pass like the proverbial ships in the night or because we turn it into a Springer-esque shouting match, we don't seem to know how to really talk to one another.

I saw an article recently that indicated the use of the telephone for actual spoken conversations is quickly disappearing. At first, technology allowed us to lose the art of letter writing -- you know, the actual putting of pen to paper to express ideas and messages in a thoughtful way -- such that we toss emails back and forth without regard for accuracy or effectiveness in communication. Now, we are losing the ability for verbal communication as well. At this rate, we will all become a bunch of isolated individuals getting our food, our work, our paychecks, our socialization, and our sexualization on our handy laptops.

As I've said before, relationships (of any sort) are messy and inconvenient. But, aside from the obvious benefits of getting to clean up with a partner, it's important to understand that our up-close-and-personal interaction is what really shapes us as human beings. It is what really makes us who we are. All the heartbreaks and disputes and frustrations and laughter and comfort and love we get by being involved with other humans is the most important stuff we will ever do. And, you clearly can't get that from emoticons. Heck, Facebook still hasn't managed to give us a means for italics, much less that sarcasm font we need so desperately.

To sum it up: Thanks for reading my blog. I appreciate the interest and I hope you'll keep coming back for more; but, for now, get off the damned computer and go out and be with someone.