Hedging Your Bets

Recently I've seen the following saying floating around a few places: Never make someone a priority when, for them, you are only an option.

On the surface this seems like pretty sound advice. It certainly caught my eye the first time I saw it, and made me go Ooh, that's good.

Here's the thing. It does advise us to be careful about over-estimating a relationship (or a perceived relationship) in which you are not equally committed, where one might be more emotionally invested than the other. That's smart. It's heart-break insurance. It's self-preservation -- a little personal protection. What could possibly be wrong with that?

Well, for one thing, it sets us up for failure. When we aren't open to possibilities, we don't achieve them. When we don't take risks, we see no rewards. You know, nothing ventured, nothing gained and all.You may say "Well, that's just reckless. Who wants to get their heart broken?" I can assure you I don't, nor do I wish for anyone else to feel that pain. I know it hurts like hell to be in deeper than the person you want to be in deep with.

***And, be sure, I'm not recommending you pursue a crush to the bitter end. If you are admiring them from afar and they haven't given you their phone number willingly, this does not apply to you. You are barking up the wrong tree. This is for those who actually have non-court-chaperoned or non-cyberstalkish interaction with someone.***

But, that said, I think we all have a tendency to hedge our bets, to hold off being the first to put the cards on the table and be honest about how we feel. So, why meander in the wilderness of uncertainty? Why wait for the other person to make the move? If you feel something for someone, tell them. Life is too short to play around with these games. There is a good chance they won't reciprocate. But, there's also a chance that the reason you have only been an "option" for them is because they are trying to keep their options open so they don't get sucker-punched. Sometimes they are holding back on making you a priority to make sure they will be one to you as well.

And here's a thought: What is wrong with occasionally putting someone else before yourself? Isn't it okay to sometimes give without getting? Granted, that is not what you want for the status quo of your relationship, but it's certainly worth exploring.

So, the worst that can happen is they say, "No, I don't feel that way about you." Okay. What happens then? You choose to live with what they can give, or you move on to something that hopefully will be what you want. Plus, you now have the knowledge that you can rip off the band-aid and survive. BUT, there's also the possibility that you'll hear what you want to hear. They will say, "What took you so long?" Of course, if it works, you now have to actually do a relationship. Are you ready for that?!